English

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished." -Zsa Zsa Gabor

"A wife's prayer: I pray for Wisdom, to understand my man; Love, to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death."

"All men are born free and equal, until some of them get married."

"Difference between error and blunder: When a married man womanizes, that's an error. When he lets his wife catch him, that's blunder."

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they will slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk ang label it "in".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

A man walks into a bar with a large bag draped over his shoulder. He takes a seat at a stool, and from the bag he removes a tiny piano and a 16 inch pianist. He sets the pianist next to the piano and the pianist begins playing happily.

"A shot please."

The bartender looks at him befuddled.

"Oh, that? It's just my 16 inch pianist."

"How the hell did you get one of those?"

The man pulls a genie lamp and sets it on the bar.

"With this, of course. Go ahead, try it. Just speak into the hole."